Once bitten twice shy Feeling lonely isn’t new; it’s an emotion that reoccurs and has found a home in my life. Desperately trying to get rid of this feeling, I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places by clinging on to guys that clearly do not want me. They do not adore me the way I deserve nor do they treat me in ways a woman should be treated.
With recent events that have occurred, I’ve thought long and hard on how I’m going to type this post without streams of tears running down my face. I forced myself not to change my mind, not to delete this once I’m done writing it. I’ve had brief teen relationships and I did experience some sort of heartache but that was nothing compared to what I went through two years ago. That particular situation has continued to torment me emotionally, creating insecurity and low self esteem in the process. Two years ago, I was 20 going on 21, just a girl that was trying to find herself; when I met a guy via twitter. Being the naïve girl that I was, I fell for his crap. One thing led to another and I lost my virginity to him. Thinking he somewhat cared and that it would to lead to a relationship, I was left devastated when I realised sex was all he wanted from me. Fast-forward to now, having gone through one- heartache after another with little to no breaks in between, I decided it was time for me to pick myself up, refocus and work on me.
Everything was going great until I bumped into him two months ago. I was on my way to work when I saw him from across the street. I was at the traffic light waiting for the green man, scrolling through my music playlist. As soon as I lifted my head up to check if the light had changed, I saw him stood opposite me, trying his best to get my attention by smiling and waving at me. I was very confused as to why he was so happy to see me after putting me through hell emotionally 2 years ago! I put on my bitch face and walked right past him without acknowledging that I had seen him .
A couple of days went by and I bumped into him again. I once again ignored him and went about my business – this happened three times. With the same cycle repeating itself, I thought it would best for us to be cordial, if we are both going to keep bumping into each other. Big Mistake! I mean – what the hell was I thinking? Long story short, we slept together again and this re-opened wounds that I thought were long gone. Honestly you’d think because of what I went through years ago, I’d have learnt from my mistake, but, apparently not. But one thing I have learnt is that I should start thinking logically instead of only listening to my heart because lets all face it; the heart can sometimes be too optimistic.
Never give second chances to people who don’t deserve it and always guard your heart. If you’re a virgin and you’re currently thinking about losing it to a guy? Please make sure the guy treats you like the Queen you are and nothing less. Because the way I see it, once you lose it, you can’t get it back. It’s something precious you give to someone who loves you, and has earned your love.
Photographed by Tosin