Today has been full of an array of confusion, with people complimenting me on my skin tone, uttering the word natural beauty, and men approaching me despite the lack of makeup and poorly dressed appearance. At first, the thought of being pranked for a new television show crossed my mind, until I called a guy friend who laughed at my confusion then uttered that I still have the ugly girl syndrome. For my new readers, I grew up taunted for my unusual appearance, and lack of body shape resulting to being bullied by popular pretty girls, and black boys. Even though I’ve developed into a beautiful swan, I still have the scar left from the exclusion and ruthless rejection.
In my mind, I haven’t gone through the transformation as I still look the same as I did in secondary school. However, I can relate to the attributes that my guy friend listed when I demanded an explanation.
1) Believe it, or not, despite preaching self-love I still have difficulty accepting a compliment especially when I have no makeup because I feel like my mask is off. Instead, I laugh it off till I realise the person wasn’t joking which make me wonder if I looked sad, and they taught complimenting me would brighten my day.
2) I dislike bullies, and there’s nothing more I hate than seeing someone been picked on. The sight of the abuse brings out my inner anti-bullying activist and protective figure. I don’t condone disrespectful, and rude behaviours around me.
3) I’m still striving to be beautiful, and perfect. I’ve learnt to accept myself and project a confident appearance, but I’m still nowhere near loving myself wholeheartedly.
4) Two years ago, I dated a six ft six beautiful Italian guy that dressed well, treated me like a lady, showering me with constant compliments but due to my in-grown fear of rejection and abandonment I broke it off as I was still in shock that he thought I was beautiful and wasn’t sexually aggressive. He genuinely wanted to get to know me. Wow!. I’m stupid.
5) The attractive guys that never gave me their attention are now in my direct messages calling me beautiful and trying to get to know me.
6) Often when I’m in a social environment, all conversations with the opposite sex are deemed innocent, and not a pickup tactic. Also, I’m often shocked when the bartender gives me free drinks, or a guy offers to pick up the bills for my meal. According to my friend, this is called getting pretty girl privilege.
7) I still can’t rationalise that girls think I have the ultimate body that they want to achieve. Apparently being a size four, and six, on a good day, with curves is the body goal for some women. Nonetheless, thank you for your compliments.
8) Going the extra mile to be inclusive, when I notice that a person feels left out of a conversation. I don’t want them to have the feeling of being isolated.
9) I become paranoid thinking there’s something on my face, or my wig isn’t placed in the centre when I catch people staring at me. Wondering if they are internally picking at my flaws.
10) Those years of being subjected as the ugly duckling have made me rely on my personality, and inner strength to attract people.
Do you consider yourself an ugly duckling, despite the glo up? How do you feel when people pay your compliments? Do you believe them, or dismiss it? How has it impacted your life? Let me know