I’m sure we are aware that men are trash and the likelihood of obtaining the reasons for the breakdown of the relationship and getting the truth from them, is slim to none. So why is it that we have the immediate need to seek solace in one final conversation, knowing we might not get answers we are seeking, or the answers might lead to asking for more questions that require answers.
In all honesty, I’ve found myself in tears, wondering why, what, when, where did it all go wrong, reaching for my phone to send a text, only to be left startled at their cold, nonchalant reaction, and responses, which leaves me in far worse condition. Thus making the moving on process difficult to overcome. However, there are times I’ve had clean cut breakups, with clarity and finality that were cruel as they told me the truth, but felt better in the long run because I knew there was no future for us. Comparing both examples of scenarios listed above begs the question, why are closure necessary when it hurts either way.
Despite receiving apologies, and explanation from three guys I’ve dated, I had to go through the five stage of the recovery process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Somehow, I still think at the back of my mind that a behavioural pattern I’m yet to discover might be the demise to some of the relationship. Perhaps I have a habit of choosing the wrong people, overlooking red flags when I should have run for the hills, been emotional invested.
Confused on my stance on closure I spoke to my friends, both guys and girls. The men think that closure is a made up concept, urging their female friends to get back in the dating world, plunging themselves into work, and activities they enjoy. Although the girls agreed that the guys have the right recipe for moving on, their lack of processing their emotions and healing often lead to downward spiral months later, as they have constant need to contact their ex-seeking forgiveness or a second chance.
And I can’t help but think, have I become accustomed to most men not to admit their poor treatment towards me, to the point I think closure is overrated, seeing that I have done better without their apology. Then I think perhaps I did get the closure I wanted, maybe not in a conventional way. Writing down my feelings on the guys, and emotions in a paper, then burning it was a way of getting closure. Endless talking and crying to my friends, acknowledging my part in the demise was also my closure and finally learning to live with the fact that I won’t be able to figure everything out, shutting the door forever without looking back.
The closure is a social construct, making you feel you need it when we are probably better off without it and can seek it in a non-conventional way. Circumstances may be tough now, but the lesson will serve its purpose in due time. Take as much time to heal, move forward and start the next chapter of your life. What are your thoughts on this topic?