In this lifetime or the past, we’ve come across those with the inability to be tamed. These people will lure you with their charm, create a false sense of security with their determined attitude as a way to capture you then gets replaced by turbulent of insecurities and uncertainty. Throughout the relationship, the push and pull force that transpires leaves you worn out which results in severe damages to self-esteem and self-confidence. I’ve been a repeat-offender of dating commitmentphobes, just recently found myself morphing into the very thing that crushed my heart. At first, when these traits were pointed out to me, my denial mood activated which took a while to process.
Per usual, self-analysing was essential to dissect these traits that were pointed out to me before grouping myself into the commitment-phobe category. It’s a known fact that I display behaviours of a girl with daddy issues, lusting after men that are emotionally unavailable and manipulative which took a while to deprogram and heal myself. However, I fear that my inability to be vulnerable has led people to believe that I’m a commitment-phobe without thinking if I could be cautious due to the past hurts I experienced. Then again, there are different degrees and levels of being a commitment-phobe which is; having intense short-term relationships, being guarded, the need to be in control and enjoying the chase.
When I wasn’t dating the emotionally unavailable men, I was running for the hills from men that were ready to love and cherish me. Not because I didn’t have immense feelings for them, I had the irrational fear that people that claim to love me end up leaving and to save myself from future disappointment I had to be the one to end things on my term. I desire the happily ever after, yet, I fear the emotional labour and responsibilities that happens to get what I want. So I’m determined to approach the dating world the healthy way. We, cautious, or commitment-phobes, that have acknowledged our traits don’t have to live the same if we want to settle down. Here are three things I’ve been doing to avoid flighting when my anxiety of being in control or hurt comes to mind
Taking Things Slow
Once upon a time, I was the girl that wore her heart on her sleeve and rushed the dating process by jumping into bed with them or being sexually forward. I skipped the friendship stage and wanted to get to the relationship side of things. I’ve realised that developing a friendship is essential for me to avoid running from the hills, or fall in like too quickly. I’m learning to take things slow.
Allow Yourself Space and Time.
I don’t often try to force the conversation to keep going. Instead, I let it run its course, take a break from speaking to the guy for a day then talking to them. This way I’ve prevented overthinking which is a trigger that makes me think of losing my newly found freedom.
Keep All Your Eggs In One Basket
Before you stare in disbelief, hear me out. I use to be a serial dater, going on dates with men that weren’t interesting for the seek of it rather than going full force at the person I wanted. These past few weeks, I’ve taken the risk and put myself out there for the person I like. Even though there are a chance things might not go well, I’ve learned to ignore that little voice that’s encouraging me to a fleet. Through this, I’ve allowed myself space and time to embrace this new attitude of mine.
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