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There’s a power struggle that takes place in the dating world. To chase or not to chase the object of your affection is always the question nudging a woman at the back of her head. So, there comes the strategic positioning, a manipulative way to get the guy you want. But you see, that idea seems off and a childish game of chess. Sure, in the midst of courageously drooling over the guy I want, with the determination of a lioness hurting its prey, my ego and self-esteem were bruised. However, it felt good and out of my comfort zone.
Before my year hiatus from the dating world, I was the confident, outgoing, well-dressed woman, still am, you’ll see across the room having a fabulous time with friends, subtly giving the flirtatious eyes and smize. A green light to let men approach me. 9 out of ten I leave with their numbers in a napkin, or paper which leads to dating. Despite being in the process of healing from my low self-esteem, I projected a confident aura which worked every time. I knew my power. I was always the object of affection and attention, turning down men, placing men in whichever category I wanted; The friend zone, The Maybe, Whenever I’m bored, The Main Guy and much more.
With the deluded spectacle removed from my eyes and naivete, I went full blown thirsty on the prey, and the DM rolled in
Feeling refreshed and clear-minded, I was ready to resume dating, with a purpose for the long-term commitment. I made sure to avoid the usual ‘oops I did it again, sleeping with a guy too soon’. I am a girl on a mission to fall in love, and not have empty sex. Trust me, once you’ve made love you won’t want empty sex. With a mental list of criteria, a guy has to tick along with the type of men that are my type and a kick-ass attitude I was ready. I mean, I want to announce the typical I said yes on my social media two years from now. LOL, I’m not joking.
With the deluded spectacle removed from my eyes and naivete, I went full blown thirsty on the prey, and the DM rolled in. As expected, the topic of sex was brought up in the early stage of the conversion, red flag number one, but I proceed with stating my intention of dating and no sex in the early stages, but with only one thing on his mind, sex, we were already on a different page. Probably, different books. But the thing about conquering someone and having them as a trophy had me determine which led to striking the conversions first, trying to make plans which came across intense. When I want something, I want it now.
However, the fun slipped into second-guessing myself as the conversation was always one-sided, going through his likes and flirtatious behaviours with women that looked nothing like me which made me realise that I’m going to take my loss with the little pride I have, and a bruised ego. This time, I’m not writing about a broken heart with tears rolling down my face. Instead, I realise that I didn’t cave into having an “oops, I did it again”, I saw the red flags clearly without deluding myself into thinking they meant something else. He wasn’t that into me, and that’s okay. There was no false sense of security, neither did he promise me anything just to have sex. I handled the whole situation with maturity. A first for me.
Personally, I’ve learnt a couple of lessons. I know it’s humiliating, exhausting, and downright bad for your self-esteem and I won’t recommend it for a girl battling with insecurities, daddy issues, or low self-esteem. You’ll need to be assertive to prevent being boxed in the “Come over” category, take it light heartedly by viewing them in shades of grey as emotions will tend to cloud your judgements which will make you miss the red flags. If you’re not self-assured, it will mess with your confidence level, as I stated above that my confidence fluctuated but was strong enough to revive it. Then, also know when to walk away if you’re not getting any respect or interest back. We, women, are worth the pursuit and works. I know I won’t do this again. It’s something I have to remind myself, we all do.
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